The Hows and Whys of Losing Me Finding You

So, I wanted to take a sec to talk to you about the Hows and Whys of my latest book, Losing Me Finding You.

As a warning, you probably shouldn’t read this post until you’ve read the book, because it will contain spoilers!

I know there are people who aren’t bothered by the strange things that happen to Evie every four years, and that’s perfectly ok. But I also know there are people who are, and you know what, that’s perfectly ok too! When it came to the feedback from my beta readers, they were mixed too. Some wondered how and why this all happened, others just let it all wash over them.

The same thing also happened back when I wrote I Love You to Death and all the deaths Asha suffered through. Some readers (and even my beta readers) wanted to know whether it really was all her fault, others didn’t.

The main thing in all of this is that it actually doesn’t matter which way you feel about these questions, because no two people ever read the same book and mostly importantly, everyone is entitled to their own opinion on it. Reading a book is ALWAYS an individual and subjective experience. We each take something different from the story and we all see something different in the words we are reading. So it’s all ok, no matter which way you feel. I’m not trying to change your mind and I’m not trying to justify why I wrote it the way I did it either.

But in case you are interested, when it came to writing Losing Me Finding You, I did always intended to write the story the way I did. There were reasons for everything I did and yes, there are answers for all of your questions. I know what I was trying to do when I wrote the story, but it’s different for me because I wrote it. But regardless of that, what I chose to do with this story is just my opinion, my thoughts and my preference. I get that this won’t necessarily apply to everyone else. I get that it’s not everyone’s cup of tea…and that’s ok!

So…for those of you who do want to know about the How’s and Why’s of Evie’s life in Losing Me Finding You…read on! For those that don’t…well you can choose to read on, or not!

Why does this happen to Evie?

The simple answer to that question is, I don’t know! The next answer to that question is, it actually doesn’t matter. Her disappearing is a metaphor, a tool and in some ways, a plot device. It’s meant to symbolise how life, and all of its shit, gets in the way. It’s meant to show what happens when things occur that are out of our control. It’s meant to show how strong and resilient love can be and most of all, it’s meant to show you how powerful love is. How it can test you, try you and hurt you, but through patience and perseverance, it will always prevail, especially when two people are destined to be together.

Why is Evie’s disappearing never explained?

I never explained the why, because for me, the actual act of her disappearing was not the main focus of the book. Anything I tried to come up with was always going to be implausible, unrealistic and too far-fetched. This was never meant to be a paranormal story and if I tried to provide some reason for it, I felt like it would become one. I also thought it would undermine what the story was really about and would not fit with everything that had come before it. Plus, it was something that Evie and Ben were never going to be able to change or stop or understand, so it didn’t matter in the end why it happened, only that it did.

Why does she only stay in England?

Honestly, this one was a logistical issue! It was too hard to have her moving around the world, because trying to find Ben in a population of 6 billion people would be impossible! Plus, I wanted her to continue to look the same and this wouldn’t necessarily work if I had her waking up in a different country. It would also be hard for her to randomly jump on a plane as a child.

Why does her family vanish when she disappears?

Again, a logistical issue. There was no way Evie could continue to live with 10 different sets of parents. It wouldn’t work. On top of that, when she disappeared as a child and her parents didn’t, they’d be looking for her, wondering where she went and this would introduce a whole range of problems…there’d be a lot of missing person’s reports filed!

Why did Evie/Ben never try to work it out or find her previous family?

This is sort of explained in the book. They do, to a certain extent, try to work out why this happens. But they can’t. And like I explained, there is no explanation anyway, so it can’t be worked out. As for Evie’s former families, both she and Ben do look for them in the beginning, but once they work out that they disappear, this becomes pointless. This is also why Evie struggles to get attached, or close to a family, because she doesn’t really know them and she also knows they will eventually disappear. Nick, her brother at age 24, is the obvious exception to this, and as you can see, she struggles to initially let him into her life when she finds Ben again.

Why do Evie’s eyes change colour?

This was something I did for fun and also one of those little symbolic things I love so much. As with her hair changing length/style, I changed Evie’s eyes because I wanted her to wake up on the morning of the 29 February, see herself, and instinctively know something was different. She was never really sure that she looked different; she thought she did, and this was all designed to trigger those memories that were still out of her reach. Plus, as they discuss when Evie is 18, her eyes represent each of her lives. They say our eyes are the window to our soul and with each additional life, Evie took on the memories and events from that life, even if she didn’t always know it. That was reflected in her changing eye colour. The fact that Ben saw this and knew what it was only highlights how he was her constant in each of those lives.

I hope this has given you some insight into why I wrote the book the way I did. As I said, I’m not trying to convince you of anything here. The imagination is a very powerful tool and it’s always different for every person. This is all simply my opinion on why I wrote it the way I did.

If there’s anything else you might be wondering about Losing Me Finding You, some other burning question you might have, feel free to drop me a line. I’ll try and give you an answer.

Thank you x

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2 thoughts on “The Hows and Whys of Losing Me Finding You

  1. Hi! I didn’t mind at all the lack of answers but good to have your point of view of some things 😉
    Also, I have a question. Not burning, but still a question LOL Evie’s families disappear, but what about anyone else who knew her and her family? I get she may be not very… social, but her families had jobs and lifes, don’t they? That friend who gave her a birthday gift when she was like 12? And I bet some ladies are still wondering where the lovely Nick went (such a shame!)

    1. Hi Anny,
      Yes Evie’s families do disappear, including the lovely Nick 😦 Her friends however, don’t. Sarah sticks around, and even comes back into her life and any other friends she has or had will still be around somewhere too. As for the people connected to her families, in my mind they would just wake up not remembering those families anymore…which sounds harsh, but is just how it played out in my head!
      Hope this helps!
      Natalie x

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